So for the last few weeks before the birth I was having signs of labor almost every night. I had never gone past the "due date" before so this was all new for us! I thought the children were going to lose their minds! And I had just about decided that my body was broken and clearly would not go into labor ever again! But I wasn't emotional or severely distressed, I knew logically that there had to be a good reason and that it's all right to not be in control of this. Because my Lord was in control. I remember crying just about everyday when I was pregnant with Hurricane because I hadn't gone into labor yet! And she was born a week before her "due date"! No more of that wasted stress!
Anyway, October 28th, I woke and started planning for preparation for the reformation day party at our church that night. I was hoping to spend some time with the girls making 1600s costumes for them to wear to it. The day before we had cancelled HS lessons in favor of doing a bunch of fun art stuff. Hulk even got to paint for the first time. I had been focusing on decreasing my stress and doing more fun stuff with the kids for about a week. Anyway, I took a shower and was shocked to have three real contractions during it. Keeping in mind all the practice labor action before had been at night with my feeling absolutely normal of a morning. As soon as I got out of the shower I started timing contractions, it was right around 8am and I called my midwife to let her know. I was really hoping she would get there in time for the birth so I risked calling her early! I had two more predictable contractions and confirmed for her to come now. I didn't know at the time that she was at another birth where the baby had already been born and because she was there instead of at home she was about 30 minutes closer to me! : ) The kids started running around helping and cleaning. I dumped a frozen venison stew into the crockpot to cook and then started focusing during contractions. Robert finished the birthing pool and our friend from church who enjoys photography arrived. I probably got in the pool around 9. Here is the big difference between this birth and my others. I typed up several bible verses and messages to myself ahead of time and prepared the girls to read them to me. So during contractions one of the girls (and later, Robert) sat with me, held my hand and read from the pages. It gave me something more to focus on then my own abilities (which are feeble at best). I focused on God's promises, His strength in my weakness, and the promise of the gospel. A woman in labor is used often in the Word as a picture of suffering through this world with the promise that there is an end! As a result I knew how far I was progressing by the intensity of the contractions but didn't get frantic or fight the pain. I just surrendered to it. The kids were impressed because "you only screamed twice!" It was my easiest labor and birth. It was the most peaceful and I'm very thankful for how it went. Afterward, I did hemorrhage some. It was noticed and gotten under control very quickly by my midwife. I didn't even require any meds. But as a result I have had to be on strict bed rest. For about the first week I tried to stay flat in bed and for the last couple of days I have been on the recliner during the day. It just takes time and rest, lots of healthy food and lots of water and iron supplements to get my blood volume back up. I'm definitely over a hump now and truly hoping to get to go to church Sunday! Meanwhile, Robert has been running everything! I have been doing homeschooling with Cal in bed but he takes care of everyone else and really Wild Man is the biggest, most involved job. And he has never done laundry and is totally in charge of that too! We've been giggling over how he has come realize it's never actually done! But he has struggled with figuring out when to do school work. We were blessed with a friend from church who came over to help while he went to classes on one day but he had to skip his classes on another day. I'm typically back up and running full steam within a day or two after a birth (this is not something any woman should do, it is to my shame) so we are not used to me being so worthless to the running of the house! But it will pass. I will likely be back to helping out some next week. It's sort of hard for me because I'm not in pain or weak or sleepy or anything. I hate sitting still. Anyway, that is where we are and how you can pray for us!
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First, let me say, sometimes women can get kind of bitter about all the things other women do well. Let me encourage you to not look at the following passage and think, "Ugh! This woman is perfect! I hate her!" Ha! We all do it! Instead, let us praise God for the women in our lives that show us how to fear God!! Let us put aside our pride and ask for advice from them! Let us praise them!
Looking at Proverbs 31:11-16 I have compiled a list of characteristics of a woman who fears the Lord. I will tackle verses 17-31 in the next three parts, five verses at a time. Now, it's important that we realize these are characteristics of a woman that already fears the Lord, not characteristics you must do in order to fear the Lord. They are symptoms of a woman who has been given the Holy Spirit and a new heart and, there for, new desires. An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. Characteristics: willing worker, trustworthy, plans ahead, and active in business Verse 11: She is trustworthy. And not only is she trustworthy in general, she is trustworthy to her husband! Can we just admit that our husbands no the worst about us. For a man to say, "My heart trusts in her!" is big! And not just fidelity issues (which are important, mind you!) but the little things too! Does your husband ask you to do something and then just know you will do it? This should be a goal for us as women after God's own heart! Also, her husband has no lack of gain. In other translations it says "he does not lack anything good" or "he doesn't lack provisions". Basically this means that our husbands should not be in want. He should be content with the provisions we lay before him! Verse 12: Does him good ALL the days of her life. I like this verse. One reason is because I failed at it so magnificently. Notice this verse does not say to do him good all the days of their marriage. It says all the days of her LIFE! If you're getting prideful and bitter you might say, "that is impossible!!" and you would be right. Whom do we know that honored their spouse all the days of their life??? Jesus! Jesus honored His future spouse (the church) all the days of His life. Meanwhile, his future spouse whored itself and killed him. (Next time you wanna label your husband as the worst, remember that!) Now back to the practical practice of doing good to our husbands all the day of our lives. How does that work? If you are already married, it means honoring him when he is not around. It means that when your friends who are still learning how to honor their husband start to get in a "My husband is the worst" contest you stand up and refuse to be involved. Even if he doesn't see it, you honor him, you do him good! If does not do you good, you still do him good! If you have a daughter, it means that you start teaching that child how to honor her future husband right now! All the days of her life! Just because it's impossible does not mean we stop trying. Our daughters are only 9 and 6 and we have already dealt with this repeatedly! Conversations like, "We will not say 'I am in love with so and so' because that is not doing your future husband good." or "We will not act flirty with boys because that does not honor your future husband." or "We treat our friends that are boys as brothers in Christ because that does our future husbands good!!" are common in our home. I know some think this is silly and over the top. Robert and I disagree with you. : ) Verse 13: She works willingly! I did not work willingly when I was on the internet all the time! I looked at my work as an inconvenience and a distraction to what I really wanted to do! Wrong, wrong. I should work for the family willingly. Without sighing or dragging my feet either! Ouch. Verse 14: From what I understand this has to do with a woman planning ahead for food. For instance, back in this time it meant that there were some foods that weren't readily on hand, they needed to be ordered from afar. And this woman who fears the Lord is on top of that! She doesn't invite company over and forget to get all the supplies needed to feed them! For us, this would look like knowing what is in the pantry! We order some things in bulk and I need to stay on top of when we are running low on those big things because it takes a week or two to get them in the mail! Also, I think this goes back to the husband trusting her and not lacking. Verse 15: She rises first and prepares food for her whole family and her maidens. When I have a plan and prepare things ahead of time, life is so much easier and calm. Wouldn't it be lovely if we always prepared just a little extra so that we can share if we need to? So that we can invite someone over to eat with us after church? Or if we had a meal frozen waiting for a family in need? Verse 16: She considers first. She is thoughtful and not impulsive about what she spends her money on. When she decides that it is a good investment, she buys the field. Which also means that she is wise about financial issues! Not clueless about the dealings of the outside world. And then she uses her investment to further the family with a vineyard! This is a woman that is looking out for her family in all ways and that is fearing the Lord and honoring the gifts He has given her. I never gave a whole lot of thought to learning how to be a lady according to God's definition until my girls started getting older. I started looking at myself and asking, "Do I want my girls to behave like me? Am I displaying how a woman of God is called to act?" And the answer was no, of course not. If the world thinks I'm cool and my friends think I'm fun and men think I'm attractive (not that any of those apply to me, just that they are the average goal for a woman) but I refuse to put on the holiness that has been given to me through Christ(Ephesians 4:22-24) then I've failed. But by the power of the Holy Spirit, I can change into a Godly woman! I can have grace for the days I fail and strength to start again the next day. Also, I wanted to look at how being a biblical woman effects all parts of a life. Not just how I would treat my husband but my children, friends, authority figures, and strangers. How should I treat my friend's husband? How should I treat my life long guy friends? These answers aren't always instinctual. So I started studying this topic. I skimmed some books but mainly fished through the Word to see what the Lord says about it. So I thought I would jot it out.
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5 This is instruction to older women in the body of Christ. Telling them how they should act: be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, or slaves to wine. Some of that instruction is easy. Don't be a slave to wine? That is easy to understand. But I think in our world the word reverent has been misplaced and forgotten. I looked up the definition. reverent- feeling or showing deep and solemn respect Showing reverence is hard. I mean, if you are reaching for the goal of being reverent it's hard. If you are fearing the Lord and seeking His righteousness reverence comes easily. I mean, who, with the full knowledge of how holy and powerful God is and how sinful and unholy I am, can resist being reverent? In some translations it actually says "grave" instead of reverent. When I think of this definition and how it might look on a woman of God I think of a woman who listens intently to a friend's concerns. Who instructs her children with a calm but "I mean business" voice. Who looks at and talks to her husband with the full knowledge of the lofty calling God has put on him and is constantly planning ways to support him in it. I think of the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair. slander- a statement damaging a person's reputation Slander goes hand in hand with gossip. Slander doesn't have to be a lie it can just be a statement said with the purpose to making someone else look bad while making you look good. I am CONSTANTLY checking the things I want to say to make sure that my heart doesn't have the motive of slander. When you struggle with pride, as I do, slander is so easy to fall into. The Bible says that older women, who are worthy of teaching, conduct themselves without being slanderers. Now that I've dissected what an older woman should act like, what do they teach? What is good, teaching younger ladies to love their husbands and children, be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands. And then the last part of the scripture says so that the word of God will not be reviled. What does that mean? This type of living proves the Gospel, it makes it attractive! We are adorning the Gospel beautifully when we behave this way! Looking at specific things that need to be taught, let's dig into loving our husbands and children. This means that an older woman should be teaching a younger woman to do less complaining about her husband and children and more loving! Showing them how to love their family. Self-controlled, pure... pure- not mixed with any other substance It takes a large amount of self-control to be pure, doesn't it? Especially in our world. In Kansas you have to name your homeschool so that it can be filed as a private school. I named our's Nehemiah's Work of Excellence because I was reading in Nehemiah one day and a scripture jumped out at me. It was, weirdly, the scripture that finally shoved me over the edge and made me obey the calling to homeschool. In Nehemiah 4 it talks about how the men worked on rebuilding the wall with tools in one hand and swords and spears in another hand so that if anyone attacked them while they were working they would be ready to fight! Through the story the Lord showed me that teaching my children the word of God is so important that I have to do it day and night as the builders did. That I have to be on guard and ready to fight anyone who wants to distract me or pull me away from the work! That teaching my children the word of God and his commands and His nature is like a wall that will protect them from the schemes of the enemy and the worldliness surrounding them! And building up that wall is the only way to prepare them to go out into the world and share the gospel! It is the only way to help them to stay pure, set apart, "not mixed with other substances." That wall is their shield of protection! Their key to staying pure. Working at home. This is a controversial topic isn't it? I've actually got a blog on this saved that I haven't posted yet. It's been sitting there for months now waiting. Anyway, notice this doesn't say only working at home, but says working at home. The Bible is totally clear that a woman's priority should be her home and her family. So if you are a woman who works outside of the home 60-80 hours a week and your job consistently comes before your family, you are living in sin. If you are a stay at home mom that volunteers so much time outside of your home that you kids are unruly and your husband is lonely, then you are living in sin. If you are a mom that works to help provide for your family but would drop any career centered activity in a heartbeat to better run your home, support your husband, or nurture your child, then yeay for you!! : ) We first work at home. When I think of this topic it is soooo easy for worldy wisdom to pop into my head. But the Bible is clear and our wisdom should come from there. Kind and submissive to your husband. Kindness is easy, right? I mean, it's easy to understand, not always easy to follow through with. But it is a fruit of the spirit. Believers display this characteristic. submissive- meekly obedient or passive I've had a lot of practice at this since Robert got home. I spent most of the deployment praying and studying in the Word and elsewhere how to be a better, more godly wife to Robert. When he got back I got to put the new knowledge to work. ; ) Robert noticed a difference and let's just say we find ourselves much happier and cuddly without that annoying "drip, drip, dripping" (Proverbs 27:15) of a quarrelsome wife around. Meekly obedient does NOT mean that I don't share my opinion or give input. I do, as Robert desperately wants me to! I'm far too smart to allow him to make a horrible mistake! Hee hee! But what it does mean, is that I wait for the right timing, I pray a lot for the right words and for a humble, honoring spirit, and then I voice my concern. All the while putting my faith in the Lord and Robert to ultimately choose the right thing. It means, I don't throw a hissy fit when he disagrees with me. (Well, not all the time. I'm not totally perfect, ya know!) And since I love the Gospel and try to preach it to myself all the time, I remember that when I DO screw up and become more quarrelsome grace covers me. I don't have anything to earn that hasn't already been given to me freely. And it just gives Robert a wonderful excuse to display grace toward me on those hard days, which only further glorifies God! So yesterday we were doing our Family Worship time before bedtime. Robert has been trying to remind the kids to listen to the Bible reading and pay attention! So he got especially passionate last night talking about how important it is to read our Bible and pay attention to teaching on it. This is how it went down:
Robert: (this the shortened version of his speech) It is the MOST important thing! You must pay attention and learn about God and His Word! If you learn nothing else from Daddy, please learn that this is the MOST important thing! You must learn about Jesus and the Gospel and the Bible! (Kids are all starring at him, sitting in a circle, quiet for about a minute) Robert: Cal, what is the most important thing in the world? The Boy: (very matter of fact) The Dinosaur Restaurant....... Me: HA!! (muffled under my arm and hidden from Robert and Cal) The Boy: (His face totally lights up and you can literally see the correct answer explode in his head) OH!! No! Jesus!! Jesus is the most important thing!! At that point we all exploded in laughter and gave Cal a pat on the back for paying attention! Ha! AND, speaking of Jesus, there is a song called Son of David that Robert and I have been listening to sooo much! It is amazing and makes me cry every time! Go check it out! http://marshill.com/music/albums/the-good-king It's the fifth song down! Also, I'm wearing out Where Were You by them and Robert digs Lion Man. We recently went to a family's house for dinner and learned a lot. This family is further along on their walk through salvation than us. They are a bit older, have twice the amount of children and have been seeking the Lord a bit longer than us. So it was an awesome opportunity to learn from them! As the Bible teaches about letting the older woman and man teach the younger. We are trying to learn to do this ourselves and were soooo thankful to a family willing to do it for us in such a purposeful way. : ) So they gave us some ideas for discipling our children and we have been implementing some of what they advised along with what we were already doing. So I thought I would share what we do in regards to discipling our children just in case some of those reading this are looking for ideas. Obviously, this is just what we have been doing in the last couple of months, depending on where our children are and how old they are and such. So each family is different and needs different things.
We like to watch a movie that is called the Gospel of Matthew. It is word for word the book of Matthew from the Bible. One of my favorite things about it is how the disciples and Jesus are portrayed. They are joyous. They push each other around playfully, they laugh at their amazement over the works that Jesus does, Jesus douses Peter with water for fun. It is very similar to watching some of the husbands at our Bible study tease each other. The kids love it and I'm amazed at how much they have memorized just from watching this movie so much. Robert has started leading Family Worship daily. It is amazing what we have seen as a result! Our children are really changing, like a heart change. Softer words are being used and more interest in the Bible is cropping up. Every evening we sit down in the living room and we pray, sing a song (right now we are working on learning Nothing but the Blood), and read a page out of our The Gospel Story Bible. This is a great book! We went through Jesus Storybook Bible until I feared the girls would memorize it and then we moved on to this book. It's a little more mature. Then we talk about the lesson we learned from that book. Then the three older kids take turns standing up and practicing the verses they are working on memorizing. All the while Deakin is working on his "sitting quietly" skills. Which are limited, to say the least. ; ) In the mornings we read a chapter from Matthew while eating breakfast. Then we write down prayer requests into our "Prayer Book" (It's just a notebook) and pray before we begin the day in earnest. I keep two columns going in the book so that when a prayer request is answered we can go back and write it down. We have also started something called "The Question Box". It is a kleenex box that we decorated and made a pocket on the side for slips of paper and pen. The kids are able to put questions about the bible and God into it any time they feel like it. And then during dinner Daddy will take a question out of the box and answer it for them. This is so handy because the kids sometimes can think of the most inopportune time to ask these deep questions! And we say, "We'll talk about it later!" But then we forget and it never gets answered! So this gives us a specific time to answer these hard questions and gives the children a chance to write out their question right when it crops up. So that is where we are at this season in life! What works for you in discipling your children? "You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deuteronomy 11:19 Just as a short little post because I know I haven't been doing it much. Robert is feeling better. He started back to work (kinda) on Monday. His whole group that came back is going through classes to help with the transition. Robert says it's mainly geared toward young guys on not drinking and driving. Please continue to pray for him during this transition. While he doesn't have the same struggles as those young single soldiers, he has different ones of the family man. We didn't expect things to be easy. Although we both agree they have been easier (so far) than we expected. That first week was bad, but things are going better now. Just because he is a psychologist doesn't mean he's immune to the average problems in adjusting to the real world, it just means he has to be aggressive about getting help before he helps others. He has a great man of God that he has met with a couple of times to pray with and get help with the stronger emotions. And obviously I have prayed over him a few times and done what is possible. Mainly I see my calling as providing a safe loving home for him to be in. Clean house, warm meals, cuddling and kisses, obediant children, and lately some serious Parks and Recreation marathons after bedtime. : ) (Although, I would say all those things are the primary calling for ALL wives.) So prayers are needed, Thank you!
A while back I started this post about a sermon series that I listened to. It's by John Piper and is centered around marriage according to the gospel. I found it wonderful because it was about something I had been thinking on a lot. Mainly about how marriage is created to mirror the covenant between Christ and the church. I love it mostly because it isn't a self-help series on how to change your spouse. Truly it was a really great series. So I thought I would share it in case anyone felt like listening to it! This series was not organized well on his website. So I had to go through and copy and paste each individual sermon. http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/staying-married-is-not-about-staying-in-love-part-1 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/staying-married-is-not-about-staying-in-love-part-2 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/marriage-god-s-showcase-of-covenant-keeping-grace http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/marriage-forgiving-and-forbearing http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/marriage-pursuing-conformity-to-christ-in-the-covenant http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/lionhearted-and-lamblike-the-christian-husband-as-head-part-1 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/lionhearted-and-lamblike-the-christian-husband-as-head-part-2 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/the-beautiful-faith-of-fearless-submission http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/marriage-is-meant-for-making-children-disciples-of-jesus-part-1 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/marriage-is-meant-for-making-children-disciples-of-jesus-part-2 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/what-god-has-joined-together-let-not-man-separate-part-1 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/what-god-has-joined-together-let-not-man-separate-part-2 On my trip home from Arkansas back in November (yes, it takes me that long to finish a blog post!) I was listening to the new Propaganda album. Which I've found to be pretty heavy. I have to listen to his songs a few times to get them and even then it's iffy. Anyway, he has this song called "Precious Puritans" that is so good! It makes you uncomfortable and makes you think and then after I read this http://www.joethorn.net/2012/09/24/precious-puritans-pt-1/ and this http://www.joethorn.net/2012/09/25/precious-puritans-pt-2/, I liked the song even more. The first link is about how the puritans accepted slavery. The second link is Propaganda speaking about what the song means. Here is an excerpt of the song:
They got it but they didn’t get it. There’s not one generation of believers that figured out the marriage between proper doctrine and action. Don’t pedestal these people, your precious puritans partners purchased people. Why would you quote them? Step away. Think of the congregation that quotes you. Are you inerrant? Trust me I know the feeling. It’s the same feeling I get when people quote me. Like, if you only knew! I get it. But I don’t get it. Ask my wife. And, it bothers me when you quote puritans, if I’m honest, for the same reason it bothers me when people quote me–they precious propaganda. So, I guess it’s true. God really does use crooked sticks to make straight lines. Just like your precious puritans. In the interview he says the song was meant to be a bait and switch. He actually does enjoy learning from the Puritans but wanted to warn against thinking they had it all figured out. I love how he ends it with pointing back at people quoting himself and calls himself "Their precious Propaganda". This song plays in my mind at strange times now. When someone tells me I'm such a good mom and asks my advice I think "I get it, but I don't get it." How unworthy am I to give advice. Whom of us really gets it?! Jesus, he's the only quotable. For now we have to settle for crooked sticks that GOD makes straight. I was reading in 1 Samual the other day. About the story where the Philistines stole the Ark and wanted to give it back because God was basically torturing them. They decided that they would figure out if the Ark was legit by putting two cows that had never been on a yoke to pull it. They would see where it went. If it wandered then they knew that their torture was a coincidence and if the cows took it straight back to the Isrealites then they knew that the Ark was directed by God (actually I think they thought the Ark was the god of the Isrealites). When the ark went straight back to the Isrealites without ever turning to the left or right they knew. When the Ark got back the Isrealites sacrificed the cows as a burnt offering. I found myself slightly sad, thinking, "But they should reward the cows for getting the Ark home!" Lol!! I think this reveals in me a inclination to praise the tool rather than the Lord. As if there was something special about the cows. When the cows were only made special because God chose to use them. In one of the questions in the interview with Propaganda he said something about how we shouldn't be praising people and thinking they have it all figured out. But amazed that our God is so good that He can use these imperfect sinful people! That we shouldn't say, "Wow, Propaganda!" but "Wow, God! And He used Propaganda?!" How important is it for us to praise and realize that our God is so praise worthy for being able to use crooked sticks to make straight lines. Obviously these are all imprefect thoughts from a crooked stick. ; ) This video is meant for advice for pastors but is helpful to others as well.
What's the best things you did for your kids? http://thegospelcoalition.org/resources/a/whats_the_best_thing_you_did_for_your_kids When our baby son died during my eighth month of my fourth pregnancy we experienced much blessing and love from many directions. It was a time of seeing how much people cared for us for sure. Many cards, flowers, phone calls, letters, packages, meals, and hugs. But there are two people that stick out for me. And not because they gave more or listened more or loved more. I could name several people that gave WAAAY more. I think it's because they filled an empty place that I barely even knew needed filling right at the moment that I needed it most. Which, of course, is God. No effort on these ladies' parts could've gotten it done. It was the Lord providing through them. I think about their influence a lot. So I wanted to type it out.
The first woman was a woman that had never gone through anything like we were, who I had spoken to a handful of times at church and had always been quite friendly. I did not know her intimately, would've called her an aquaintance at the time. After Jasper was born I was left with this natural need to talk about him as I would have talked about any of my living children. To tell people who he looked like, to share his birth story, to talk about his weight and height. But when a baby dies people don't ask those things. And, as a mother, you are left violently silent. Feeling as if no one wants to know your baby or hear about him. Which ofcourse isn't necessarily true, but it's how you feel. We had taken many pictures of Jasper and my sister edited them to make them look as good as possible, all mainly in black and white. Some parents will say that their stillborn looked like they were sleeping. Jasper did not. He looked dead. Which was very scary for me and left me very vulnerable in sharing his pictures. But as a mom, you so want to show your baby's pictures off. To this day I have a whole file on my phone of his pictures. Just because it makes me feel better, having them close. We took a photo album up to the church for his memorial service and set it up with his lovey and urn. I was very careful to choose the best looking pictures. This one woman, when she looked at the pictures, she gushed over them. Just oohed and ahhed as if he were any alive child. I could've fallen to the ground and cried it so blessed me. To this day, heck, right now as I type this I'm sobbing at the memory! I hadn't expected anyone to act like that while looking at his pictures but it was so what I needed! The second woman, she knows who she is, was sent to me by God. I had stopped going to church because I felt like no one knew how to be around me, or maybe I didn't know how to be around them. I couldn't sit through a service without sobbing like a lunatic. And since I didn't feel like sobbing like a lunatic in front of everyone I just stayed home. About two months after Jasper's birth when things were getting really bad for me emotionally. For whatever reason right around the one month mark things went way down hill. Robert had left for a training for three weeks and the church was preparing to bring me extra meals for while he was gone. I found myself struggling to do normal everyday things without fighting back panic attacks. I recieved an email from our pastor's wife telling me that a woman and her family had visited church and heard our story during the prayer requests and felt like she must do something for us. The pastor's wife told her it was perfect timing as Robert was going out of town and I needed meals. So this woman cooked a meal for a stranger who's baby died and brought it over to my house. The first time I met her she was on my front porch with a meal and crying. There was not awkwardness or bluffing like nothing had happened. It was the same day that I had spent some time reading the Word for the first time in two months (really reading, not just skimming), the same week I had gone back to Zumba and had to retell multiple people what had happened to the baby they last saw me pregnant with, the same week Robert had left. I had spent most of the morning crying on the way to Zumba and bawling on the way home. I needed this new friend right...at that...moment. God said, alright, it's time. I went to church the following Sunday (if I'm not mistaken) because there was now someone there that didn't act awkward or as if nothing had happened. No one at church was hateful, don't get me wrong, it's just, for whatever reason, the Lord gave this woman the attitude I needed. When she saw me there she came straight to me and hugged me hard and long because she knew what it took for me to be there. And then she looked me hard in the eyes and studied me to make sure I was alright (as she has done everytime I've seen her since, ha!). Some days when she looked me hard in the eyes she smiled and asked how I was, and then other days she would soften and hug me again and tear up and command me to tell her what was wrong. These two women edified me and built me up in the simplest of ways. As did dozens of other people at that time with meals and childcare and random emails checking on us. These women caused me to look around at my church family and pray, "Who needs something, Lord?" Because some may not say, "Hey! I'm having a crappy day and need somone to invite me to dinner!" Some may not even know how to say that or that they need it. I couldn't very well have said, "Hey! I need someone to gush over my son's pictures." Because I didn't know how much I wanted that. Now I'm gonna chase a rabbit trail... I've been thinking about how we are to out-do one another in honor and service. Wealthy, poor, sick, healthy, weak, strong, we all need serving and need to serve. At our church recently it was brought to our attention that the nursery needed help with volunteers. Can I just confess and say that my first thoughts were somewhere along these lines, "Fine! Let some older woman who's kids have moved out and can actually clock out of her job do it! Let a woman that's husband is home do it. Let the mom that gets a break when her kids are in school do it. Let the man or woman that gets to actually worship without wrestling a one year old, disciplining a four year old, and answering questions from a 5 and 9 year old do it!!" All of those things are true. Those people should be doing it. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't. So I prayed for a couple weeks about this attitude of mine. About how the Body should be made up of people who are serving one another and maybe that starts with me. So I volunteered and Sunday I served for the first time in the nursery (at this church, I've served in MANY others). I prayed all morning for an attitude of service and love for these mamas that would get to hear the sermon. And you know, God is good. I had fun with those kids! We always forget that it's better to give than to recieve, don't we? I mean, we say it all the time, but we always forget. Look what I got to do this morning! For about twenty whole minutes they cuddled with me watching a video on line. Here is what they watched (a few times in a row), followed by a few other animated videos about the gospel: We are finally getting back into a good routine with school after many interruptions a couple weeks back. Deakin is pushing up two molars. I have been asked to lead a short bible study for the women at church on Saturday. Bryse is healing very nicely and has a doctor appointment back in Kansas City on Monday morning. We are headed to Springfield for a few days after that appointment and then on to Pea Ridge for Thanksgiving. Hoping to be back in Kansas the day after Thanksgiving (maybe) and then on December 1st we are having a joint birthday party for Darby's 9th and Cal's 4th! After that we will mail out Christmas presents to Texas family and then things should calm down nicely. : ) I've already finished all Birthday and Christmas shopping. Well, there is a quick update and here is a lovely quote that I found very encouraging.
"We must say to ourselves something like this: “Well, when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think, ‘I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.’ No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us—denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him—and in the greatest act of love in history, he stayed. He said, ‘Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.’ He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. That is why I am going to love my spouse."” Tim Keller |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
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